there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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