I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
