Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
