I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
