Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
