i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didn't notice because vodka
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
