i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
