im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
