Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
