I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
