My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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