Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
