do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
