Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
