Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
