i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
