Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
