why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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