Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
