My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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