It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In other news, I just burned my penis
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
