I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
