so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
