she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
