i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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