She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
