why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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