Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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