So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
