I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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