Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
