What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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