I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
