is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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