I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
