Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
