I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
