so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
