sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
