Your face is a jimmy john
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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