Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
