if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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