I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
