dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My vagina is very pro this idea
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
