Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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