i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
