I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
