matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
