i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
