Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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