I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
