all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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