I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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