When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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