Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
