we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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