We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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