I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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