I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
