he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Text me some of your sweat
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
