im drinking this country out of the recession.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She told me I should be a condom model.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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