I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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