I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You left your phone here
Wait...
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