i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
