I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
