I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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