I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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