just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
