Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
