We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
