Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
